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my two cents

From: Jean
Date: 31 May 2001
Time: 07:44:00
Remote Name: 66.20.28.125

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I find my most recent conclusions about this forum sad and enlightening. An interesting combination of feelings for me: enlightening because I see that our true baser natures are revealed in the face of losing our hair, sad because gaining our hair back wouldn't change these things much. What am I talking about? The very fact of our coming to this forum in particular is based on the fact that we hate our hair loss. We are concerned with the degradation of our appearances. It makes us feel less attractive and less worthwhile in many ways. Posters have spoken of how much it hurts and discuss suicide as an option, which breaks my heart. I wish that I could pluck out that piece of me that recognizes that life is worth living regardless of our hair. My friend who lost the battle to cancer a few months ago wanted very badly to live and believe me, her head had more staples than hair at the end. What I dislike the most is when posters claim that no one will look beyond their appearance and see the "real" them, but then turn around and complain that they can't get "babes" because of it. So let's see if I have this right: We want people to see beyond our appearance, but we only want perfect physical specimens in our mates because we cannot see beyond the physical appearance of another. Yes, that seems reasonable, doesn't it? We are, in effect, working on some inverted (perverted) form of the "golden rule". Let them not notice our physical imperfections, but they better be beautiful or they are unacceptable. Sorry for the sarcasm, but it's difficult not to be so in the face of the ugliness sprouted above and in earlier forums. We come here because we are obsessed with appearances--not just ours apparently but everyone else’s as well. If someone is seeking a relationship based solely on the surface, it is their prerogative and maybe they will get it, but I no longer hold any sympathy when they complain of being unfulfilled because someone "rejecting " them is as lookist as they obviously are. I know that some of these statements are generalizations and don't apply to all here, but they apply to a large enough number that it's rather disgusting (no, I am not picking on any specific poster either). Now I understand the instinctual drives towards what appeals to us. Nature and Darwin made us that way. However, the view of what is “good” or “acceptable” does not have to fit into a tiny, narrow scope. I learned that during my trip--among other things. After seeing a picture of a beauty contest winner there, I realized that our scope is truly limited and no longer acceptable to me. There are more things to see in a person that what first meets the eye. If the view remains in that small sight, get used to that dull aching lonely feeling because that is the result of tunnel vision. Maybe my man and I are the sorts that wouldn’t make anyone envious (though to me, he is the most sexy man on the planet), we will just have to live with it and not realize how unhappy we ought to be putting up with our ugliness and unworthy of reproducing bodies when in fact we feel blessed for having had the good fortune to cross each other’s paths. Of course, I want to feel physically beautiful and I don’t want to begrudge someone else wishing the same, but there is more than this outer layer of any of us. You are all entitled to your view, your pain, and your reaction to it. This statement is mine. I am not required to approve of anyone else’s position on these matters. I have decided that the people who matter in my life are just that--THE people who matter. They will and always have looked beyond the outer me and have seen the emanating beauty inside. I have gone through many physical changes and still they know me and love me. I don't need to try to convince anyone else anymore. I still want to reverse the hair loss if possible, but I will no longer let it affect me in the same way. Regardless of relationship, of course, we want hair. But it will not be MY end all anymore. The ones who matter will not be defeated in their feelings for me because I am suffering hair loss. I am truly sorry that we all have to suffer through this, but I am beginning to think that there may be a reason. I wonder how bad our stark raving egos would take over if we didn't have some humbling factor. I'm sorry if this hurt anyone, but it got real tiresome to read the blatant double standards espoused so liberally. These are my personal opinions and I have formed them after a great deal of consideration. Feel free to respond, but I probably don’t have the energy to debate with anyone. We all need to do what works for us, and while I admittedly am not sympathetic to some aspects of our problem any longer, I still hope you all can find your bit of happiness. Jean

PS: TK-where do I sign up for your private forum? Wallowing in the above type scenarios seems too unhealthy for me.

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From: party poker
Date: 17 Mar 2006
Time: 12:16:16
Remote Name: 210.21.235.73

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